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";s:4:"text";s:12033:"She was also a member of a stock club, PEO, and the Starr House Guild. Isaacson would know. But I know now. But there were happy times too, and Mom shared those stories just as freely. On September 1st, I lost my mother and my best friend. I am fortunate to be her son and it's an honor to call her my mom. When we wrote pieces about our mother, we shared different 'eras' in her life. Going through Carlesta’s papers recently, I found dozens of cards and letters from Nate, which she had lovingly saved, in just about every drawer in the house. It has been one long year since my mother died. The most important thing in life to her was #1 … Among my earliest happy childhood memories are the times I sat next to Carlesta on the living room couch, or in bed, with a picture book propped in my lap. It's a way to remind myself why I write on this topic. My dad was born to a sturdy pair of Scottish immigrants, and they were the anchors of my mother’s new family in Detroit. And also -- even more so -- because it's what Mom would have wanted me to do. Carla R. Dearing died on Dec. 7, 2014, at the age of 78, after a long, heart-breaking period of physical and mental decline inflicted on her by dementia. When I launched this column, I promised myself that once a year, on the anniversary of her death, I would devote the column to her memory. After all, to quote what she would often say to me: “I’m going to live to be a hundred just to annoy you.” I must say for her sake as well as mine I am glad she didn’t. She's gone. You can protect yourself. If you are struggling with writing the first lines of your mother's eulogy, you are not alone. It was the longest drive I’ve ever taken, though I don’t think the reality of my mother’s passing had really taken hold in my mind. We worry about our parents or our spouse, and we worry about ourselves. This column is her legacy -- a way that I can serve others, as surely as she would find a way to serve them if she were still with us today. Design by Bethany Beams, « Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs », Keep Me In Your Heart: A Father’s Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimer’s Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page – Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home – Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? Short Eulogy Examples for a Mother. The memory of a woman as remarkable as Carla Dearing is all I will ever need to keep them pouring out of me. In a way, I'm still writing it. She was among the first work-at-home moms in the late 1950s and 1960s, setting up a home studio in our family room. I've got some good topics coming up. Hara Estroff Marano, the author of that article, goes on to explain the paradox of "cutting-edge intervention" against Alzheimer's. From a son. And she often shared stories of her beloved Irish grandfather — a watercolor artist and a great character whose creative talents she inherited. You can support your local news source. Carla R. Dearing had a joyous spirit, and love of family and a deep commitment to community service. That is the kind of information I share with readers each week. When you’re deep in the trenches of caring for a parent who is battling advanced dementia, it gets harder with each passing year to remember the heart, the core, of the person he or she used to be. The unexpected health risks of skim milk. Surely there is a special place in the heart of heaven for spouses like Doug. I will continue to write this column every week, because it's important to put this information in front of people, and to keep it in front of them. Like everyone else who loses a parent and goes about the somber business of making funeral arrangements, I used the time between that phone call and this funeral to reflect on earlier memories of my mother. The lost art of "horizontal" breathing to protect the brain. Here are some suggestions and prompts to help you get started. Right now, medically speaking, we have no defense against Alzheimer's. That's what I hear from every health expert I talk to. Once dementia had incapacitated her, moving Mom out of her beloved Royal Oak condo and into a nursing home was, by far, the hardest and most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to do. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Not in a material sense, but in matters of character. y to a much larger emotion that has guided and comforted me throughout these past few days. I think we all remember her as being a kind and loving person who was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out. The mother who once cooked and hosted holiday dinners can barely hold a fork to her own mouth. And as you read those words, maybe they'll mean just a little more to you. It was about the kind of person you were and the difference you made in the lives of others. That fear is not misplaced. It cruelly, methodically dismantles the mind of the person you love, drawing them into a thickening fog of incomprehension, until the person you once knew is reduced to a phantom in a withered body. She was determined to create the stable home and family that she always wanted, and I have always been proud of her for accomplishing that. Words seem to fail me when I reflect on my mother's life. m_gallery_permalink = "http://photos.nj.com/8001122/gallery/dementia_cruelly_methodically_took_my_mothers_life/index.html"; Later on, when I began my own career as a freelancer writer, I had my mother to thank for teaching me how to strike a balance between work and family. I still dream about her often. To her, the word encompassed the people inside its walls — family and friends — as well as its gardens and furnishings. But as long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". I like to think that the fine example set by my parent’s marriage — which lasted 42 happy years until my father died — has been a loving influence in my marriage to Doug La Ferle, the love of my life, and my rock. m_gallery_creation_date = "Tuesday, April 26, 2016, 3:51 PM"; It goes on and on, extracting your sorrow one tear at a time. No more suffering, no more pain, no more Alzheimer’s disease. All said and done, of all the gifts my mother has given me — including the gift of life itself –I am most grateful for that abiding love of home. Subscribe now », Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother's life, Tony Dearing | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com. And then I wrote her eulogy. I am forever grateful for that too. Carlesta often told me she couldn’t have asked for a finer son-in-law than Doug. It fell upon me to write my mother's obituary. Carlesta Gullion’s obituary is posted here. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mother’s lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. We’d read aloud and laugh through the sing-song stories of Dr. Seuss, who was a distant (Geisel) cousin of Mom’s. This column is committed to brain health, prevention of dementia and successful aging. I remember coming home from school as a kid and finding my mother at work at her easel, leaning over her photographs and mixing her oil paints. My mother's entire life was devoted to service to others. In my dreams, somehow, miraculously, she's cured. Today it is reality. © 2020 Advance Local Media LLC. Because I didn't know. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. I've written about everything from neurogenesis and ecotherapy to umami, omega-3 fatty acids and yes, even sex. She always had time to listen as I shared the highlights or low points of my days at school. And I want you to know. Dr. Richard Isaacson, a neurologist who has several family members with Alzheimer's, says even a few years ago, the idea of preventing that disease was dismissed as wishful thinking. Really, I don't write these columns. I was giving my mother's eulogy. I hope this eulogy which I have written for my mother will help you at a very difficult time if you find yourself trying to write one for your own mother. Carla R. Dearing died on Dec. 7, 2014, at the age of 78, after a long, heart-breaking period of physical and mental decline inflicted on her by dementia. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. Dear AMS, I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother. During Carlesta’s long illness and its many complications, there were countless times in the hospital and in the nursing home when Doug gave her the comfort and reassurance she needed after I had lost patience as her caregiver. But dementia doesn't care. I could rage against the disease that took her. Dementia is heartless. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. American Society of Journalists and Authors. In these final words of my letter to my mom, I try to capture the vividness of our hope as Christians in facing the pain of dementia. I believe that if the information is readily available, and consistently reinforced, it's possible to get through to people and to change behavior. (The principle wasn't set in stone though). After this eulogy was read by pastor John Miller, my son Nate La Ferle read my favorite poem by Celtic poet David Whyte, “The House of Belonging.”. "(There's) no magic bullet, rather an array of mostly mundane choices accessible to almost anyone on the planet -- primarily diet and moderate amounts of exercise," she writes. At the time, Doug and I were on the last day of our vacation. As I said in eulogizing her: "I suspect many of them were younger and healthier than she was. Carlesta’s father had abandoned her own mother before she was born, and later on, her mother and stepfather both struggled with alcoholism. And I would do anything I could to spare other families from it. And for the first time in a while, I forgot about my mother’s debilitating illnesses and remembered instead the beautiful heart and generous soul of Carlesta Gullion — the person my mother was before she lost herself and her memories to vascular dementia. m_gallery_title = "Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother\'s life"; : A Preschooler’s Guide to Losing A Loved One. Once dementia had incapacitated her, moving Mom out of her beloved Royal Oak condo and into a nursing home was, by far, the hardest and most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to do. They write themselves. My mother touched countless lives with her volunteer work. The phone call that announces Mom or Dad is finally at peace or “at home” in a better place. Inspired by our family’s many road trips to historic Williamsburg, Virginia, and New England, she collected antiques and decorated every room in the house with treasures from our trips. What a role model I had! … I like to think that the fine example set by my parent’s marriage — which lasted 42 happy years until my father died — has been a loving influence in my marriage to Doug La Ferle, the love of my life, and my rock. Recalling the early challenges she had as a kid, I can’t help but feel incredibly grateful for the happy childhood my mother gave me. When you are the writer in the family, that comes with certain responsibilities. She had only recently gone … m_gallery_json = "https://blog.nj.com/photogallery/8001122/20216120.json"; Thanks to my mother, I learned to read before I entered kindergarten, and literature became a guiding light throughout my youth. All at once, my feelings of sadness, guilt, and frustration gave way to a much larger emotion that has guided and comforted me throughout these past few days. There's a genetic component to our risk, but it's relatively small, maybe 20 percent. 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